SH** Happens, Be Bitter or Get Better : A Lesson From My Husband
You don't have to have many years of experience on this earth to realize today's simple truth. I hope my audience is one that isn't uncomfortable with the word, "shit" because I really couldn't think of a word that more simple describes the type of problems I'm talking about.
These kind of problems weigh more heavily than the every day crap we tend to deal with like; coffee spills, red light streaks, and your phone dying at a bad time. Those things are crappy, frustrating, but we move on rather quickly.
However, today's problems are also not the super heavy issues that can come into our lives, break our spirits and make us question our faith like; a cancer diagnosis, sudden death, or a miscarriage.
I want to talk about the mess in the middle.
The kind of problems that are enough to stick in the back of your mind for more than a couple hours, the kind of problems that can't be fixed with chocolate or a pedicure. Yet you feel like your current problem falls just above the petty line and just below the tragic.
It's tough. I know.
The loss of a job. Getting turned down for an interview. An unexpected break-up. A series of rejection letters. A fall-out with a close friend. The list could go on and on...
To you they feel heavy, but to the world it's "not that big of a deal." Which is why you don't know how to process your emotions about it. I feel you on that, I know what it feels like to cry over what seems like spilled milk, and to want to throw a temper tantrum because life "isn't fair."
Just a few months ago I was talking to JD about a friendship which had recently gone south and become non-existent. It was hard. I was mad, real mad. I didn't understand how things could go from such a close relationship to radio silence the way it did. I was trying to plead my case and he simply said:
"Shit happens."
I was a new level of irritated at this point, and his response wasn't helping.
"What do you mean, Shit happens... "
He explained to me what I already knew, but as always, I was in need of a reminder.
"Sometimes we outgrow people, circumstances, and situations. You are in different places in your lives, and if your meant to be friends, in God's time, it will work out. "
I hate when he is right like that. I wanted him to tell me I had a right to be pissed and then tell me how to fix it, but he didn't because that's wasn't the truth nor was there a quick fix. As I looked over and nodded, still pissed that there was no quick fix, and that I couldn't change how she felt. With one last statement, he changed my perspective:
"I know it's shitty, and it's okay to be pissed, but you can't stay that way. You can't stay bitter, you have to get better."
JD's truth bomb struck me to the core. I knew what he meant, and he wasn't implying I had to become better than her, but I had to learn how to handle the broken relationship better. I had to take time to reflect on what made it "shitty," and decide how I could learn and grow from it.
Sometimes we like to wallow in self petty when things don't go our way, or when we don't get what we think we deserve. We think if we complain enough that it will somehow miraculously change the situation, but it doesn't so we begin to grow bitter.
Shit is going to happen, so much so that even that any Saint in the bunch would be tempted to drop a 4 letter "dirty word." It's our job to understand that our greatest growth in life can come from the ugliest and crappiest moments, so we can't shy away from them, but instead lean in to God and learn from it.
Our God is the same strong, mighty, and just God on the good days and the not so great days, so keep the faith, knowing this crappy moment will pass and your crappy day doesn't make for a crappy life.
Happy Hump Day!
oxox,
Kendall Mariah