The Difference A Year Can Make : Why I Don't Want to Forget My Darkest Days
A year ago today, after a social media hiatus and walking through undoubtedly the darkest months of my life, I blogged about just how bad things had gotten with anxiety and how I was doing. I will never forget how terrified I felt to post the link, better yet, how many days it took to get the courage to put pen to paper.
You can read it here.
Just a couple days before posting, I had episodes of truly believing ISIS was after me and felt as though the 40 lbs I had gained marked me unrecognizable to even those who loved me.
I don't want to forget how dark those days were; the moments I shook in bed thinking the earth would implode if moved, the way my lack of confidence shackled me, or the lies the Devil used to poison my mind.
“Because if I try to forget the darkness of this season in my life, then I choose to ignore the depth in which God brought me from, into the light. ”
I will always remember feeling God's closeness as I repeated, "Lord, please just hold me," while hiding under the covers. I will always remember my Momma sending me encouraging text, knowing her prayers were getting me through it. I will always remember the gentleness and patience my husband showed me, whether it was holding me for hours on end, making late night runs for Coke Icees, or looking up ideas to help me overcome my anxieties.
A year ago today, was just the beginning of recovering from over a year of anxiety, and the first milestone for this little "ministry." It was during this season that I really wrestled with my "calling" and God had plans to use me for a greater purpose, and after publishing the post I knew exactly what IT was, exactly what it had been all along.
To be an encouraging, tell-it-like-it-is, and Godly voice to women who struggled with everyday hardships just like me.
During the six months it took to gather the confidence to launch "Unapologetic," I worked to rediscover who I am, find my confidence, and to uncover the truths God taught me during the last year and a half.
I have a burning passion to help others, more specifically women; gain confidence in their identity in Christ while creating community around tough topics.
A few ways I would like to do that is by:
- speaking engagements
- interviewing other "Unapologetic" women who are living in their calling
- completing "The Valley: A 30 Day Devotional for the Darker Days"
With this being said, I need your help.
If you are a part of a women's organization, church group, youth group, or civic club who is looking for a speaker, I would love to be considered. Secondly, if you know of a woman who lives "Unapologetic," I would love for you to send me a brief description of who she is, what she does, and why she is Unapologetic! Lastly, but most importantly, say a little prayer for the devotional which I believe has the potential to help so many people, and for this ministry.
I am so thankful for support, encouragement, and outreach I have received. I know that every success in life isn't solely due to the work you put in, but also the people you put around you; and I do not take you for granted.
I can't adequately describe just how much excitement and enthusiasm I have for this journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being YOU, so that I can be me.
oxox,
Kendall Mariah
P.S. If you are in a place like I found myself this time last year, please reach out so that I can pray for you and offer personal encouragement. You are not alone, and this season is not going to break you; keep believing that your purpose is much greater that your current situation.