To the Friend I Can't Get Excited For : The Unspoken Infertility Truth
To My Expecting Friend,
I know that I should be excited for your wonderful news, and know that somewhere in my heart, I REALLY am.
I know that the distance I have put between us, since your news, is simply a defense mechanism as my heart aches behind the wall I have built founded on my personal issues.
From the outside looking in, it's hard to understand how you can be expecting after only a month or two of "trying," when years have passed and things only seem to get more complicated for me.
I am not sure why I can meet a stranger and be truly excited for their great news, yet yours hurts at the core, but I promise, I am working on it.
Please, understand how I feel has nothing to do with how much I truly love and care for you, but my heart is really just trying to work things out with God. I just need some time to figure it out.
I know He gives according to our needs.
I believe He is Good, so Good.
&
I know there is a season for EVERYTHING, even a baby for me.
However, I still allow my human flesh to get the best of me.
“ Envious of what God has blessed you with, and not realizing that He has already blessed me beyond measure too. ”
I'm sorry because I know you can feel me drawing away into my corner, and I look as though I don't care. But, I promise, I do.
Thank you for loving me where I am, and understanding that how I am acting right now isn't a true reflection of how much I care. Thank you, for being the friend I need, but don't always deserve.
I love you, sweet friend. I am praying fearlessly for you and that sweet baby, even though it doesn't seem like it right now. I promise to love and spoil it with all the pink and cheetah print you could ever imagine, and be the best "Aunt K" I can be.
Love you always,
-KM