To the Friend I Can't Get Excited For : The Unspoken Infertility Truth

To My Expecting Friend,

I know that I should be excited for your wonderful news, and know that somewhere in my heart, I REALLY am.

 I know that the distance I have put between us, since your news, is simply a defense mechanism as my heart aches behind the wall I have built founded on my personal issues.

From the outside looking in, it's hard to understand how you can be expecting after only a month or two of "trying," when years have passed and things only seem to get more complicated for me.

I am not sure why I can meet a stranger and be truly excited for their great news, yet yours hurts at the core, but I promise, I am working on it. 
 


Please, understand how I feel has nothing to do with how much I truly love and care for you, but my heart is really just trying to work things out with God. I just need some time to figure it out.

I know He gives according to our needs.
I believe He is Good, so Good.
&
I know there is a season for EVERYTHING, even a baby for me.

However, I still allow my human flesh to get the best of me.

Envious of what God has blessed you with, and not realizing that He has already blessed me beyond measure too.

I'm sorry because I know you can feel me drawing away into my corner, and I look as though I don't care. But, I promise, I do. 


Thank you for loving me where I am, and understanding that how I am acting right now isn't a true reflection of how much I care. Thank you, for being the friend I need, but don't always deserve.

I love you, sweet friend. I am praying fearlessly for you and that sweet baby, even though it doesn't seem like it right now. I promise to love and spoil it with all the pink and cheetah print you could ever imagine, and be the best "Aunt K" I can be.

 

Love you always,
-KM

Kendall TartComment