When God Calls You Into A Storm
“ I had left a job I loved to pursue what I just knew would be the greatest blessing and adventure of a lifetime. Little did I know at the time of accepting the call to what I thought was blessing, that God was calling me into a holy storm. ”
Have you ever felt called to something?
Called to be a teacher to children who may not receive the love they deserve at home. Called to do mission work in place that you have never been. Called to demand justice in a world full of hypocrisy and hatred. Or perhaps even called to be a friend to someone who is need of a shoulder to lean on.
Callings tend to start out as harmless whispers deep within your heart. The longer these callings are ignored or cast aside, the louder the whisper gets. And if you ignore a calling for long enough, like I did, the whisper has turned into a loud roar.
Over half a year ago, I enthusiastically answered the calling to become a children’s minister at a church.
I started off in my new role with an open heart and mind. After all I believed, and I still do, that God called me to work at this particular church.
However, after a few weeks of working at the church, I began to hear the first thunders of a long unyielding storm. I will not get into the details of what happened in the midst of the storm, but I do wish to share my largest struggle with you.
Out of all the hardships I faced during my stormy season, the hardest was simply this: God had clearly, loudly, and persistently called me into this situation. The decision to sell my husband’s and my first home and move to the middle of nowhere for a ministry job did not come lightly.
I prayed for discernment daily and met with trusted friends and ministry mentors. I read scripture, sang praises, and wrote papers during my time of discerning the call. And the answer God provided to my listening heart was always the same: “go”.
And go we did. My husband, cocker spaniel, and I, packed up our perfect little first home and moved to be closer to our new community.
The move was difficult, but the events that took place in the months to follow were even more painful. Wave after wave pummeled me, and with every hit I began to drift further from God. I tried to fight the anger and resentment I felt towards God, but it only grew stronger as my hopes and dreams for my ministry grew weak.
Why would God call me into ministry for all my efforts to go to the wayside? Why would God allow unholy things to run rampant in His “house”? I know that being a follower of Christ is not easy, but why would God allow my soul to be crushed over and over again when I dropped absolutely everything to follow Him?
I don’t know.
And honestly, I don’t think I will ever know why God called me there.
It has been a little over a month since I left and I still have not had a revelation as to why God called me to a situation that I was utterly unequipped for. All I feel after a month of distancing myself from the storm is heartbreak, confusion, and anger.
And here I sit alone in the living room crying out to my God with one simple question; WHY? But silent the Lord of Hosts remains. I am not okay with feeling this distance and silence from God. I am angry that God called me to do something so incredibly difficult and will not give an answer as to why.
I guess sometimes God calls us to seasons and situations that will never make sense.
The only silver lining of a lesson I have gained from this experience is this: sometimes you have to rely on the faith of others to simply get you through the day.
After a certain point, even the most dedicated follower of Christ can lose all hope. But that is why God does not intend for us to walk this earth alone.
“When my faith failed me, the faith of my loved ones picked up the burden I could no longer carry. My husband, friends, and family interceded on my behalf with prayer, words of encouragement, and simply being a shoulder to cry on.”
Just as the immobile man in the Gospel of Luke was healed by Jesus by being carried by his friends through a hole in a roof, my loved ones carried me through the remainder of the storm. If it were not for the audacious love poured out to me by my community, I don’t know where I would be right now.
God called me to a storm and I may never know why. What I do know is that I was never alone thanks to the faith of my Christian community. Although my relationship with God is still strained, I can see how he worked though others to carry me through.
I pray that when you encounter your next storm and have trouble hearing the voice of God that you have someone who can carry you through as well. God calls us to the unknown and expects us to follow Him along the hills and the valleys.
We must continue to seek the will of God when all we have as guidance is a whisper of an even greater calling yet to come.
With Love,
Sarah