To the girl who can finally compete in Miss America : It's okay to be a size 10
To the girl who can finally compete in Miss America,
I get it. Like, I REALLY GET it.
IT has taken me 25 years to realize that I will NEVER be smaller than a size 6, and will most likely spend my life floating between 8, 10, & 12. But, I spent so many years in High School and College wondering why a Size 10 could never score a 10 in a pageant. Even outside of swimsuit competition, her size was taken into account in other phases of competition (hello arm fat giggling, while dancing).
I will never forget the day in 6th grade with a girl pointed out this fact, straight to my face.
I was sporting a black Aeropostle t-shirt with hot pink wording (you remember those shirts), and a brand new pair of earrings my Aunt Becky had just sent from out of state.
To say I was "feeling myself," would be an understatement. I was excited because it was "awards day" at school, and my new outfit made me super excited to walk across stage to receive my scholastic rewards.
However, my bubble was quickly popped by a girl, Brittany S.
We sat side by side, every day #alphabeticalorder, and TODAY was going to be the day that she told me how SHE REALLY FELT. She looked at my as we stood up to get in line to go to the "cafetorium" for the assembly, and said a simple statement that I WILL NEVER FORGET.
"DANNNNGGG, you're just a BIG girl."
I was SHOOK.
I MIGHT have been a size 6, my shirt was a medium and I had already completed all the growing (vertically) i would do for the rest of my life. I wasn't "big" by any stretch of the means, but I was bigger than most my friends.
I was athletic, playing 3 sports and dancing 5 days a week. I was studious, kind, and love going to church.
“However, “BIG” was a word that some how trumped them all, and to this day can shackle me when other characteristics are so much more important.
”
Several years later in college, I was in a wedding of one my cousins. I was in a rough season and already pretty down in the dumps, when I went to pick up my bridesmaids dress. Mine was hanging among the other 10 at the ultra snooty store, and when my eyes gazed passed the tags I began to do the mental math.
2+2+0+4+00+2...
You could LITERALLY add up the other girls tags and get mine, 12.
Mortified. I was the youngest and BIGGEST of the bunch. Though my confident nature had grown use to these sorts of things, especially as I grew up with ALL petite women (somehow I missed that gene), it especially hurt that day.
Because that was the day after, I had met with "pageant friend" to talk about potentially competing in a Miss NC pre-lim. It was an older, truthful, realistic friend that had warned, "as much as I hate to tell you this, and wish it wasn't true, but in order to do well at Miss NC you would need to lose 30-35lbs."
I was so angry. PISSED. I knew I could polish a talent and lose the weight to win a pre-lim, but I still would never have "The Look" to win and represent.
This hurt because I had coached MANY friends on interview and watched them win pre-lims, but the truth was, 45lbs stood in my way to ever be heard. I watched some friends starve themselves taking pills, running in trash bags, and exercising hours on end - past exhaustion, to loose another 10lbs.
“I could never bring myself to do it. Call it lack of determination, but I call it knowing my worth. ”
I know there are many pageant contestants who do it "the right way," however, I know many who lick lettuce and run until they have felt faint. So, GOOD ON GRETCHEN CARLSON, for taking out swimsuit.
Take it out, until you can find a way to ACTUALLY judge fitness. I 100% believe in being physically fit, and healthy to hold the job, but I don't believe in starvation or excluding girls who just genetically not suppose to be smaller than a size 6, no matter what methods they try.
I would have LOVED to compete in Miss America 2.0. Listen to what I have to say, and worry a little less about my thigh gap. Make me run a obstacle course, but freak out because I a little giggle in my arm.
You can be brilliant, healthy, scholastic, kind, talented, and an advocate while being a size 10. I want girls to know that. ALL girls.
I wish I knew that.
I wish Brittany S. knew that.
I wish my pageant sisters, could have known that.
One day, when I have a daughter I don't want her to look in the mirror and see anything "that could hold her back." Whether that is her size, color of her skin, or anything else.
So sister, take care of yourself. You don't have to be a size 2, it is okay to be a 12, just TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
EAT WELL. Move more. Pray often. Learn always.
I see you, I get it.
oxox,